How To Develop Integrity: How To Walk The Talk

Welcome, gentlemen, to a topic that cuts to the core of what it means to be a man in today’s world. How to develop integrity is more than a query, it’s a clarion call for those of us striving to not only talk the talk, but more so to walk it with unwavering conviction.


I have been tempted many times to betray my own principles for an easier path through life and I am ashamed to admit that I failed this test on countless occasions. So it is with the lessons of my failures and personal suffering that I share with you today the conclusions and insights I have garnered from learning the hard way.

My aim for this article is to create a compass for those ready to navigate the true north of their personal integrity. Perhaps you are also struggling with the temptations of the easy road, just like I was. Or perhaps you’ve reached a point in which you’re disgusted with who you’ve become. For as I found out, this is the inevitable end result for a man who consistently chooses to ignore his inner guidance system.

So with this in mind, let’s embark on this journey together, learning to walk the path of integrity and becoming the kind of men this world is desperately in need of.

Table of Contents

Understanding Integrity


In the realm of personal development, few virtues stand taller than integrity. It’s a trait we hear about, but seldom is it taught in depth. So what does it really mean, and do we develop integrity in such a way that it becomes an unshakeable part of who we are? Let’s dive into the heart of integrity and unravel its true essence.

Living a life of deep integrity

What Integrity Means to Me


To me, integrity is the inner compass that guides my actions, ensuring they align with my stated values and beliefs. It’s the honesty I practice, not just when it’s convenient, but especially when it’s not. Integrity is the promise I keep to myself to uphold my principles, even when no one else is watching. It’s about being the same person in both the spotlight and the solitude.

The Components of Integrity: Honesty, Responsibility, and Trustworthiness


Integrity is a mosaic made up of several key components. Honesty is the first piece, demanding truthfulness in every word and deed. Responsibility follows, which means owning the outcomes of my actions and standing accountable for them. Trustworthiness is the cornerstone, the quality that assures others that I am reliable and faithful to my word. Together, these form the bedrock of integrity.


The Difference Between Having Integrity and Performing Integrity


There’s a critical distinction between possessing true integrity and merely performing it. Having integrity means it’s woven into the fabric of your being; it’s consistent and doesn’t waver with changing circumstances. Performing integrity, on the other hand, is like an actor taking on a role. It’s displayed when advantageous and shed when inconvenient. True integrity is not a performance; it’s a core attribute of your character as a man.

As we journey through the nuances of integrity, remember it’s not about perfection but progress. It’s not about never faltering but about how we right ourselves when we do. Understanding integrity is the first step in a lifelong practice of embodying this crucial virtue, and it’s a path that is as rewarding as it is demanding. 

The Foundation of Integrity: Self-Reflection


In our quest to understand how to develop integrity, we must start with the cornerstone that holds everything else up: self-reflection. It is through this introspective lens that we can examine the fabric of our character and stitch it tighter where it’s fraying. Let me guide you through this foundational practice, sharing insights from my own life, and strategies that can serve you on your journey.

My Personal Practice of Self-Reflection


For me, self-reflection is as vital as the air I breathe. It’s a daily ritual, a sacred time I set aside to converse with the deepest parts of myself. In these quiet moments, I look back at my actions and scrutinize them against the yardstick of my values. This isn’t about self-criticism but about self-education. It’s an honest audit that allows me to sleep with a clear conscience or tweak my course when I fall short.

In my own life I can see the times I was most out of integrity were also the times I was least conscious of myself. I was often behaving robotically, going with the flow and following the direction of other people, even when it didn’t serve me. Looking back now I can see the signs that I willfully ignored because it was easier. I avoided hard conversation, conflict and speaking my mind.

Once I started to get really honest with myself I was forced to admit that I wasn’t happy. In fact at one point it was so bad, I was downright depressed and hated my life. With the help of ruthless self reflection I was slowly able to get clear on where I stood. Eventually I decided that the pain and self loathing of being out of integrity was worse than the hard choices and conversations I had to make.

Man contemplating how to develop integrity

How to Evaluate Your Actions and Intentions Honestly


Evaluating your actions and intentions is an art form that demands brutal honesty. It starts with asking yourself hard-hitting questions: “Did I act out of self-interest or the common good? Was my intention pure or tainted with a hidden agenda or some form of manipulation?” This process requires stripping down to your barest motives and examining them in the light of day. It’s about acknowledging your imperfections and committing to improvement.

This can be a very confronting task in the beginning, especially if you’re far out of integrity. But as I learned, a harsh truth is better than a pretty lie. It’s better to take some hits to your ego and burn some bridges if necessary in order to get yourself back into integrity.

The Role of Self-Awareness in Making Decisions Aligned with Integrity


Self-awareness is the compass that guides you through the murky waters of confusion. It’s understanding not only what you do but why you do it. With heightened self-awareness, your decisions become reflections of your true self, not just knee-jerk reactions to external stimuli. This involves recognizing your biases, understanding your emotional triggers and knowing when your ego is taking the driver’s seat. This awareness is what ensures that your decisions are consistently aligned with integrity, crafting a life that’s not just lived but lived with purpose and principle.

In the mirror of self-reflection, we find the clearest reflection of who we are. It’s here, in the quietude of self-examination, that we forge the unwavering integrity that defines our character as men. Through my own practices, the courage to face honest evaluations, and a commitment to self-awareness, I have begun to live my life much more aligned with the path of integrity. I invite you to do the same, for in this reflective process lies the blueprint for a truly authentic life.
Masculine Man with integrity

Integrity in Action: Consistency is Key

As a coach who stands by the creed of conscious masculinity, I’ve come to know one thing for certain: integrity isn’t a one-off act; it’s a consistent practice. It’s the steady hand that paints our actions with the brush of our deepest values, day in and day out. Let’s delve into why this matters and how to develop integrity through unwavering consistency.

Why Consistency in Actions Matters


Consistency is the heartbeat of integrity. It’s what transforms good intentions into a trustworthy track record. When we’re consistent in our actions, we send a clear message to the world about who we are and what we stand for. It builds your character, one reliable brick at a time, creating a structure that stands strong in the face of life’s unpredictable storms. Consistency is not about perfection; it’s about persistence, the relentless pursuit of aligning our actions with our core values.

My Experiences with Maintaining Integrity in Challenging Situations


The hardest test of integrity comes when you’ve made commitments, promises and dedicated serious time and energy towards people. Their expectations can quickly box you in and leave you feeling that you’re living a life that is not on your terms.

I used to be a member of a cultic spiritual organization for several years and at a certain point I began questioning the structure, teachings and leadership. I was gaslighted, manipulated and shamed into submission and I learned to bite my tongue. Eventually the pressure of being out of alignment with myself became too much and I made the difficult choice to leave.

I had to leave behind some of my closest friends, my teachers and former lovers. Once I left, it was like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I truly started to live the life I had been dreaming of for many years.

How to develop integrity - my journey

Tips for Staying True to Your Principles, Even When It’s Hard


As you can see the journey of integrity is fraught with challenges, so now I’ll share some useful tips to help you stay the course:

Define Your Values Clearly: Know what you stand for. It’s easier to be consistent when your values are well-defined.

Make a Public Commitment: Sometimes, sharing your commitment to integrity with others can fortify your resolve to stay true to it.

Reflect Daily: End each day with a reflection on your actions. Did they align with your values? If not, what can you change tomorrow?

Seek Accountability: Surround yourself with people who honor their word and will hold you to yours.

Embrace Discomfort: Understand that the right choice may not always feel comfortable, but comfort often breeds complacency.

Reward Integrity: When you do follow through with integrity, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement can be incredibly powerful.

Remember, gentlemen, integrity in action is a commitment that doesn’t waver with the weather. It’s a consistent choice, a lifestyle really, that elevates your life from the ordinary to the exemplary. Let’s walk this talk together, with the steady drumbeat of consistency as our guide.

Building Trust Through Integrity


Trust is the currency in the economy of relationships, and integrity is the mint where this currency is produced. As we discuss how to develop integrity, we uncover its power to build and sustain trust in every area of our lives. My own story is a testament to the magnetic pull of integrity that draws trust towards you, both personally and professionally.

How To Develop Integrity and Built Trust in Personal Relationships


I’ve learned to walk the tightrope of high-stakes decisions, where one misstep could mean the fracturing of relationships. Yet, i’ve learned time and time again that the steadfast commitment to my principles became my safety net. In my career as a coach, i’ve had numerous moment that showed me that revealing uncomfortable truths to clients that could have cost me business, instead fortified relationships that have lasted for many years. 

In my personal life, i’ve seen the power of owning up to mistakes instead of telling white lies is the best way to deepen my intimate relationship, proving that integrity my integrity is more than a spoken vow. I’ve learned that each act of integrity is a brick laid in the foundation of trust that has built the house of my relationships. Over time this attitude has allowed me to rebuild the trust in my relationship after it was broken in the earlier years we were together.

How to build trust and develop integrity in relationship

The Impact of Trust on Your Reputation and Opportunities


Trust is not just about feeling good about one’s integrity; it has tangible effects on one’s reputation and the opportunities that follow. When you’re known as a person of integrity, your reputation precedes you, opening doors and creating connections that no amount of networking could. I’ve seen firsthand how opportunities seem to find their way to those who are trusted, as if by gravitational pull. It’s because trust signals to others that you are dependable, capable, and honorable — qualities that are invaluable in any context.

How to Repair Trust When Integrity Slips


But we are all human, and even with the best intentions, there are times when our integrity may falter. Repairing trust is not easy, but it is possible. It begins with a candid acknowledgment of the mistake, a sincere apology devoid of excuses and a clear plan of action to rectify the error. Most importantly, it requires a renewed commitment to the values of integrity going forward. I’ve had to walk this path of redemption, and while it’s humbling, it reinforces the lesson that trust is a fragile gift that must be handled with care.

In summary, developing integrity is a crucial pillar in building a bridge of trust that can span the chasms of doubt and uncertainty. It’s about being a man whose word is his bond and whose actions are his signature. The journey of integrity is ongoing, a path that we walk each day with the knowledge that every step taken in honesty is a step towards a legacy of trust.


The Role of Accountability

In the quest for personal growth, accountability is the anchor that keeps our ship on course through the tumultuous seas of life’s challenges. When we ponder over how to develop integrity, we must recognize accountability as a pivotal force in this development. It’s not merely a concept, but a practice that, when executed with discipline, can transform the fabric of our character.

Men's groups help a man to develop integrity

My Practice of Holding Myself Accountable


Accountability begins with oneself. My daily practice involves a rigorous evaluation of my actions against my set goals and values. Each evening, I reflect on my day: Did I live up to my standards? Where did I excel, and where did I fall short? This isn’t about self-reprimand but about self-improvement. It’s a practice that has helped me build an internal structure of integrity that holds up even when external support is absent.

How to Create a System of Accountability with Mentors and Brothers


While self-accountability is essential, we humans thrive in community and this is true for our growth journey as well. Creating a system of accountability with mentors and men I call brothers, has been instrumental in my life. To do this effectively, one must first be vulnerable and open to sharing goals and struggles. Then, set regular check-ins with these trusted individuals who are committed to your growth and will call you forward with kindness and honesty when you stray from your path. This network of accountability can be a powerful catalyst for maintaining integrity.

Learning from Mistakes and Using Them as Stepping Stones


Mistakes are inevitable; they are the dues we pay for a full life. However, the hallmark of integrity is not in flawless conduct but in how we respond to our errors. Every slip is a lesson in disguise, and learning from these lessons is what refines our character. I have learned to embrace my mistakes, to dissect them not with regret but with the intent to learn. By doing so, these mistakes have become stepping stones to greater self-awareness and better decision-making.

In essence, accountability is not about punishment or guilt. It’s about owning our journey, celebrating our successes, and embracing our failures as part of our growth. It’s about setting a standard for ourselves that is non-negotiable and using every tool at our disposal, including the support of others, to live up to it. This is how we develop integrity that is not just skin-deep but woven into the very core of our being.

Man looking confused and out of integrity

Integrity and Leadership


As we navigate the complexities of the masculine qualities of leadership, it’s important to recognize the inseparable link between effective leadership and integrity. Understanding how to develop integrity is not just a personal quest; it’s a leadership imperative. My own evolution as a leader has shown me that integrity is not just a virtue but the core of true leadership.

How I Learned That Integrity is at the Core of True Leadership


My leadership journey was punctuated by a pivotal realization: the moments when I led with integrity were the moments that defined me as a leader. It was in the creation of my men’s group that I faced a choice to obscure certain truths about my past or present the parts of myself that I was most ashamed about. I chose the latter, and it was this decision that solidified the trust and commitment of my brotherhood. Ever since then I’ve seen them follow my example and that has allowed our group to reach a quality and depth that is profound. 

The Way Integrity Influences Those Around You


Integrity has a ripple effect. When a leader displays integrity, it sets a powerful precedent, establishing a culture where honesty and trust are the norm. I’ve witnessed how my commitment to integrity has inspired my brotherhood to uphold these same values, fostering an environment where mutual respect and vulnerable truths are ingrained. It’s a testament to the idea that a leader’s integrity is not a solitary trait but a beacon that guides the entire group.

In conclusion, integrity is the compass that guides a man through the unpredictable journey of leadership. It’s the commitment to do right by your values, your team, and the greater good. It’s what distinguishes a leader who is merely followed from one who is deeply respected. As I continue to lead, my guiding principle remains: to embody the integrity I seek to instill in others, and to never underestimate the power of leading by example.

Men supporting each other to be in integrity

Daily Habits to Foster Integrity


Now I think we can all agree that Integrity isn’t a trait that one is simply born with and in many ways society offers us a lot of reasons to live without integrity. Therefore it’s actually a skill crafted through daily practice and discipline. For those wondering how to develop integrity, it’s essential to understand that it’s the small, consistent actions that build this character muscle. Let me share with you the habits that I’ve woven into the fabric of my everyday life to bolster my sense of integrity.

Personal Habits I’ve Developed to Reinforce My Integrity


One of my core habits is the ‘Morning Promise.’ Each day begins with a commitment to myself to act with honesty and fairness, come what may. I affirm this promise with a simple, yet profound, personal mantra. Another habit is the ‘Evening Reflection,’ where I review my day’s actions, ensuring they align with my moral compass. If discrepancies arise, I make a note to address them the following day. Additionally, I maintain a ‘Journal of Commitments,’ where I record promises made to others to ensure they are not so easily overlooked.

Practical Exercises and Habits to Implement


To cultivate integrity in your own life, begin with getting clear on your personal values. Write these down and review them often. Practice making small promises to yourself and keep them. Start with something as simple as waking up at a set time or exercising for 30 minutes a day. As you keep these promises, your self-trust will grow. Engage in regular self-reflection; it can be a brief daily pause to contemplate your actions or a weekly deep dive. When you make commitments to others, ensure you have a system to track and fulfill them, be it a digital tool or a physical notebook.

how to develop integrity using a journal

The Importance of Routine and Discipline in Developing Integrity


Routine and discipline are the scaffolding upon which the edifice of integrity is built. Without the structure they provide, our best intentions can easily crumble under the weight of daily pressures. A disciplined approach to our values and commitments ensures that we are not swayed by momentary impulses but are guided by our enduring principles. It’s through routine that we demonstrate to ourselves and others that we are reliable and trustworthy, day in and day out.

Remember, the journey to developing integrity is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s the accumulation of these daily habits, the steadfast adherence to the routines we set, and the discipline to stick with them that forges a man of integrity. As you incorporate these habits into your life, you’ll find that integrity becomes not just something you do, but a fundamental part of who you are.

Overcoming the Challenges to Integrity


Navigating the landscape of life, we are often confronted with situations that challenge our integrity. Understanding how to develop integrity is akin to preparing for a trek through this terrain, where temptations act as detours and shortcuts that can lead us astray from our moral compass. Let’s discuss how to stay the course when faced with these challenges.

Discussing the Temptations and Shortcuts that Challenge Integrity


Temptations and shortcuts often come dressed as opportunities, promising quicker results or easier paths. They beckon with the allure of instant gratification or the avoidance of discomfort. Whether it’s the temptation to embellish a resume, bypass a procedure, or give in to peer pressure, these moments test our commitment to integrity. Recognizing these for what they truly are (tests of character) is the first step in overcoming them.

The legendary Lover Men's group

Encouragement and Advice for When Integrity is Tested


When your integrity is on the line, here’s what I encourage you to do: Pause and reflect on the long-term consequences of your actions, not just for yourself but for others involved. Seek counsel from those whose moral judgment you trust. Remember that the easy choice often leads to the hardest consequences. And most importantly, know that every test of integrity is an opportunity to reinforce the very core of your character.

Every time you choose integrity over convenience, you strengthen your inner resolve and build trust with those around you. The path of integrity is not without its obstacles, but each challenge overcome is a victory in the quest to build a life and legacy of genuine substance. Keep faith in your values, and let them guide you. The road won’t always be easy, but trust me, it will be worth it.

Conclusion on How to Develop Integrity


As we close this chapter on how to develop integrity, let’s take a moment to reflect on the key lessons that can guide us in cultivating this essential quality. Integrity is not a destination but a continuous journey—one that is built on daily habits, a steadfast commitment to self-reflection, accountability, and the courage to stand by our principles, especially when they are tested.

Start Your Integrity Journey


Now, it’s your turn to step onto the path. The journey of developing integrity is deeply personal and unequivocally rewarding. Start by setting small, actionable goals that reflect your core values. Commit to honesty, even in the smallest matters. Hold yourself accountable and surround yourself with individuals who inspire you to uphold your standards. When you falter (and you will) embrace the lessons and rise with renewed vigor.

How to develop integrity as a man

Final Reflections on the Lifelong Path of Walking the Talk with Integrity


Walking the talk with integrity is a lifelong expedition, one that molds us into men of honor, trust, and respect. It’s a path that challenges us to be better, to do better, and to lead by example. Remember, integrity is the legacy you leave behind, the silent yet eloquent testimony of your life’s story.

Embrace Your Journey with ‘Reclaiming The Masculine’


For those ready to take a bold step forward, I extend an invitation to join Reclaiming The Masculine, an online course I built that is designed to guide men on the path of conscious masculinity. This course is more than just a learning experience; it’s a transformational journey that will challenge you, change you and champion you in your pursuit of integrity. Sign up today and take a powerful step toward not just reclaiming the masculine within but embodying the integrity that defines it.

Learn How To Develop Integrity

Join a conscious brotherhood who are working towards becoming healthy masculine men of integrity.

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