So you want to learn how to last longer in bed? Well as a man who struggled with sexual performance for most of my life I know first hand the damage issues such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction can have on a man’s self esteem and relationships.
I’m Jasper Brown, A men’s relationship coach and I used to be an absolute disaster in the bedroom. After years of trial and error I eventually broke through this issues and developed a truly incredible love life. So what I’m about to share with you can help you a lot, if not immensely on your path towards longer and deeper intimacy.
In this article I’ll share some of the key techniques that helped me resolve my premature ejaculation and have some incredible breakthroughs into new levels of sexual freedom with my lover. As well as many of the nuances and details that most of the other sources you’ll find out there will completely overlook.
Part 1: Understanding Performance Anxiety & Pelvic Floor Hyper-Tension
Before I share with you the exercises to help you last longer in bed, let’s dive into the root cause that creates these issues in the first place.
At the deepest level we can identify two major blockages that create the inability to control the sexual energy, fear and tension. Both of which are closely linked.
As a human being, when you are afraid of something, you tense up as your nervous systems enter fight or flight. When this happens your body will prioritise your survival over your sexual performance. So basically your body becomes tense and you either lose control and ejaculate very quickly (PE), or your body shuts down your sexual function and you cannot get it up (ED).
In the presence of fear, you will always struggle to relax and this is the number 1 enemy of sexual performance and deep intimacy with your beloved.
This fear originates from the deep subconscious programming we have around sexuality as well as the capacity of our nervous system to handle stress and excitation.
Usually we’ve grown up with and been highly conditioned by pornography to rub one out pretty fast.
When this is coupled with the cultural conditioning we receive around a man’s worth being tied to his performance, and the desire to impress women we’ve got a perfect storm that commonly damages a man’s capacity to be deeply relaxed and at ease in the bedroom.
Multiply these factors over years and decades and we commonly find that the body and especially the pelvic floor becomes hyper-tense (very tight)
Without room to expand, the pelvic floor is very twitchy because of the excessive tension and ejaculation is very easily triggered.
Part 2: Debunking Common ‘Solutions’
Now, when we look at the market, we see all manner of so-called ‘solutions’ and snake oil salesmen peddling the latest pharmaceutical or breakthrough tech that is supposed to solve the issue.
Pills, pastes, numbing creams and even the go-to supposed cure all advised by most sexologists ‘kegels’. Over the years I tried most of this shit and almost none of it helped.
I even did thousands of kegels DAILY for many years and it only made my issues worse because I was adding more tension to muscles that were already overly tight.
IF you’re anything like me, I wanted NATURAL solutions that got to the root of the problem in the first place, so I wouldn’t be forever dependent on expensive products with unwanted side effects.
Part 3: The Role of Mindset
Now before I teach you how to last longer in bed and the actual exercises that can help you, let’s briefly discuss the role of mindset because this is very important.
On my path towards recovery I stumbled and gave up many times. I was even doing the right techniques and was making progress, but I got frustrated when my results didn’t appear when I expected them to.
I’ve also seen some men give up following the exact methods that have cured me and hundreds of other men, even after they had breakthroughs and were making obvious progress.
Realise that this is a long game, there isn’t some magical pill or shortcut that will solve all your issues. However, there is an upside here.
When you actually learn how to bring deep relaxation, emotional mastery and sexual energy control into your life, you’ll have the keys to the kingdom for the rest of your life.
Now let me explain to you how I learned to last longer in bed. I literally went from being a minuteman to levelling myself up to making love for hours without ejaculating at all.
Part 4: Exercises to Last Longer in Bed
Pelvic Floor Exercises: You may have heard about the benefits of doing pelvic floor exercises, however the usual advice is to strengthen them by doing kegels.
This is not what I recommend and it’s certainly not what helped me to last longer in bed.
Instead I strongly advise that you learn how to relax your pelvic floor profoundly.
So what does this involve? Basically deep stretching that will open up the space within your pelvis by loosening the muscles.
The best exercises for me in order of effectiveness are
- The deep squat (also known as the hindi squat)
- Tennis ball massage (or foam roller)
- Happy baby pose
- Basic stretches of the glutes, hamstrings, adductors and quads
Check out my youtube videos covering these in more depth.
Masturbation and Edging: Self pleasure and edging done in a mindful or even yogic way have also been of great value to me and my students.
The simple exposure of your mind and body to regular acts of self-pleasure allows you to become much more accustomed to intense stimulation.
Often we as men are so used to rushing to the finish line that we forget how to enjoy the journey.
The more practice you get approaching the point of no return and modulating you’re arousal, the better.
Often men will simply complain that their penis is too sensitive, that was also one of my arguments in the beginning. However I came to understand that the penis is sensitive by design. It’s our lack of ability to manage that sensitivity that is the real problem.
Firstly because we’re not used to it and have often trained ourselves to bust very quickly and second because we’re not able to truly relax ourselves and create more space for that sexual energy to expand into.
If you want to dive into more depth on the tantric way of approaching masturbation, check out the full breakdown here.
Part 5: Survival Stress Kills Your Performance
It’s important to also mention here the influences of stress and anxiety within the greater context of our life.
We’re all constantly bombarded with work, life, social media, electromagnetic waves, fake news, real news (mostly fear inducing), complexity of our relationships in general and good old fashioned survival.
Which is to say that we’re constantly operating on a background of low to medium grade stress and anxiety.
If you’re not aware of this, it’s time for you to start noticing that background hum of your nervous system which is basically telling you to chill the fuck out and slow down.
You must start to incorporate activities and habits that help you to calm down and lower your stress levels because this is also impacting your ability to control your sexual energy.
Remember: Stress = tension and tension = ejaculation.
Some more general techniques that have helped me to last longer in bed are.
- Deep belly breathing with calming meditative music.
- Deep yogic relaxation exercises
- Full body relax while listening to music or podcasts
- Time in nature walking or relaxing
- Meditation and breathwork
- Time alone with no demands
- Digital detox away from devices
- Solo retreats combining all of the above
The effects of such practices and habits can make or break your entire life and relationship. I’ve personally found that i’m no good to anyone else when i’m stressed out and not connected to myself and of course this shows up massively in the bedroom.
Part 6: Relationships And How They Affect Performance In The Bedroom
That leads us to relationships in general. There is nothing that will hurt your bedroom performance than an unhealthy relationship and an unsupportive partner.
You can do all the deep squat, relaxation and reverse kegels in the world but if your lover is putting pressure on you and being critical of your capacities in lovemaking, your progress will be killed before it’s even started to develop.
I cannot stress enough the importance of having your lover’s support, as this more than anything can do wonders for your performance anxiety. I’ve had numerous clients who shared that getting their partner onside was a game changer.
I’ve also seen first hand how men who didn’t have the support of their lover found the process much more difficult. Some were even threatened that without fixing their issues in the bedroom, the relationship would end. Talk about extra pressure.
Often our fixation on learning how to last longer in bed emerges from our deep need for approval and validation. Unfortunately we mistakenly connect our sexual performance with our self worth as a man.
Now I’m not saying it doesn’t play a role, of course it does. We all want to be that alpha stud who can pound for days and wear his lover out after multiple orgasms.
But if you think that’s the answer to all your problems; you’re missing the mark.
More than anything women want a man who can create deep emotional intimacy that is backed by the other conscious masculine qualities. You’ll find the full breakdown of that here.
But as a brief list things such as.
- Having survival taken care of
- A sense of direction and purpose in his life
- Emotional intelligence
- Integrity between words, actions and feelings
- Strength and being grounded
- Understanding conflict and how to resolve it
You can see why these things are so important and how it all connected with lasting longer in bed right?
Because the more capable and harmonious we can be in our lives and relationships, the more relaxed and confident we become.
We’re not pinning our whole sense of worth on our ability to make love and give a woman pleasure.
Instead we’re killing it in life and the relationship and the lovemaking you share with your beloved is just the cherry on the cake.
You know that regardless of if you cum in 5 minutes or 50 she’s gonna love and adore you and continue to be your person.
This state you have developed takes a huge weight of your shoulders and gives you much more time and freedom to pursue sexual mastery in your own time.
Part 7: The Bigger Picture
Ultimately we’re seeking to last longer in bed because we want freedom. We want to feel admired, respected and loved for who we are, in the pursuit of becoming the best version of ourselves by overcome the limitations that keep us trapped.
My journey started with wanting more and better sex with more beautiful women. I was frustrated and needy and longing for deeper connection.
Once I started to walk the path of sexual energy mastery and conscious masculinity, the scope of my desires evolved and became much more than sexual performance or gratification.
Of course, that stuff is great and when you’re struggling with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, that is the powerful motivator that gets you off your ass searching for articles like this one.
However, ultimately that is just the spark that lights the fire of transformation. You’re motivated to move from the pain you’re in towards a brighter future full of freedom, pleasure and deeper intimacy.
Now, I’ve chartered this path myself and created programs for men so they could follow my exact footsteps in curing my premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety.
The Legendary Lover Online Course and Men’s group was designed to help men just like you to step onto the path of conscious masculinity and become the kind of man you were born to be. The kind of man that men admire and women adore.
So if this path calls to you and you’d like the support of brothers at your side as you develop sexual energy mastery and overcome your limitations, check out the link below to find out more.